Big man on a big couch: Marlon Brando talks about children killed with machetes… for Michael

It’s an amazing bit of footage we’ve heretofore been denied. It was not included in the PPV versions of the September 7, 2001 “30th Anniversary” concert that Michael Jackson threw on his own behalf (there were two such shows, marvelously detailed here).

The moment I had most wanted to see, the one non-musical segment that was the most talked-about, was Marlon Brando sitting on a couch talking about impoverished children. The editors editing down the September 7th show (that concert ran a languid five hours, and a second one took place at MSG on September 10th, 2001, a day before 9/11) left this segment out, but now a private vidcam recording of the event, as seen from a large screen in the arena, has surfaced.

Wearing shades and ensconced on a couch onstage at Madison Square Garden, Marlon didn’t speak for a minute. He stares at his watch at points and then tells the audience that in the minute they just waited, “there were hundreds, if not thousands, of children around the world who got hacked to death with a machete. Their parents died of typhus… or some other disease.”

He goes on to talk about how horrible this situation is, and the audience plainly doesn’t care at all, and won’t pretend that they do. The one great thing is about seeing this “remotely” shot video is that we hear the dimwits and disphits in the audience mocking, laughing, and derisively clapping. Only a mention of Michael’s name by Brando, and the screen’s cutting to the wax dummy that he had turned into by that point, makes the audience finally stop their jeering. Like any good heel wrestler, Brando senses their hostility at his message of peace and charity, and adds, “I could go on for an hour and a half…” to make them boo and jeer even harder.

Of course, Marlon’s appearance on the show was pretty bizarre in its conception. But then again, Marlon was the Lord High Master of Bizarre by that point (most likely the reason he really enjoyed hanging around MJ). What the event reminds me of is the booing of Sinead O’Connor at the MSG tribute to Dylan — a houseful of people there to honor and worship an old protest singer, and a big bunch of them booing a new protest singer (and, of course, anyone who has anything bad to say about Catholicism has my admiration, in spades). In this case, Michael Jackson was indeed a philanthropist and charity-minded soul, and when his worshipful audience was asked to think about what he had donated to for eight minutes, they eagerly booed and jeered. Their hearts were large.

He beat it: the forgotten “auteur” of MTV's early years

In all the thousands and thousands of words that have been spilled on cable since the death of Michael Jackson, I have not heard a single mention of music-vid director Bob Giraldi, who helmed one of his most memorable (and over-played at the time) vids, "Beat It,” as well as the cloying "Say Say Say" with that smiling ex-Beatle. Giraldi specialized in corny, overstated, and extremely *plotted* music videos in the earliest days of the MTV avalanche (think "Love is a Battlefield," that's his), and although his clips are constantly commemorated on I Love the ’80s shows and music-vid retrospectives, you don't hear them acknowledging the man himself (who has gone on to be a restaurateur). I thought I would share what I consider one of his cheesiest but enjoyable creations, the only one of his vids I truly could harbor as a non-guilty pleasure (I'm not guilty about my trash consumption): the astounding Pia Zadora/Jermaine Jackson (yes, he did do stuff between the Jackson 5 reunions!) Road Warrior-ish gang-rumble variation on Romeo and Juliet, "When the Rains Begin to Fall." The song was a bigger hit overseas (as is apparent from the veejay here) and the video, of course, speaks the international language of cheese.

The magical little man: Nelson de la Rosa and his tribute to Michael

I was hoping to lay hands on the original VHS that has “el hombre mas pequeno del mundo” doing his FULL “Thriller” dance, but since it’s stored away somewhere in the cavernous confines of the Funhouse, I will merely throw your attention to this compilation I uploaded to YT back in 2006 (the “Thriller” portion is at 2:16). I’ve uploaded a bunch of clips that have attracted a few thousand viewers. A handful of clips have gotten tens of thousands of viewers (so far Jane Birkin has actually beaten people who made sexploitation films in popularity — which pleases me). BUT Nelson is the hands down winner, as this vid has gotten close to 298,000 viewers, plus about 30,000 who saw it on when it was up under a different account name that encountered three specious "violations" from YT. Every week more folks checking the clip out, and discovering the true magic of Senor de la Rosa for themselves!

Film strips live! A favorite YouTube poster's offerings

Moving through a YouTube poster’s account is indeed like sifting through their video collection. And the gent known as Filmstripman certainly has a cool collection.

I came across his account when I saw a thumbnail for a film intended for viewing in school, a filmed record of Shirley MacLaine reading a book when she was quite adorable (1965). The fact that filmstripman’s copy bounces at various points and is a bit worse for the wear doesn’t make any difference, since the story time lady at your local library was never this eye-catchin’:



Filmstripman’s clips are indeed from film originals and that becomes apparent when you view his silent cartoons. In these uploads you can actually hear the projector, as in this bit of Felix the Cat:



He includes a few cartoons in his uploads, and one that is available elsewhere in a pristine version, but is still delightful in his 16mm rendition, is “A Picture for Harold’s Room” directed by animation legend Gene Deitch. The source, of course, is a work by the great Crockett Johnson (creator of the awesome, and unjustly forgotten, “Barnaby” strip):



FSM (as filmstripman can more easily be referred to) also has put up a number of commercials and trailers. Among them I prize this one for Chaste, “the feminine hygiene deodorant.”



Any pitch by Sam the Man must be honored. Here’s he on about taking care of your eyes (ouch):



And this terrific trailer for the perfect film Badlands by Terrence Malick, set to “A Blossom Fell”:



FSM’s specialty, though, are educational films, and perhaps the two finest (I’ve only sampled a scant few — if anyone has any other recommendations, please pass them on) both curiously concern the subject of female puberty, and how young girls should be instructed in all things menstrual. The first such brilliant artifact is “Linda’s Film on Menstruation” (apparently shot here in NYC). It’s a “women’s lib”-era discussion of the topic that boys could watch if they could stand it (their stand-in is gawky boyfriend Jonathan Banks, an all-purpose character actor who was memorable on the great show Wise Guy). The great thing about the film is that, although it is about awkwardness with the topic, it creates its own awkwardness (as when one woman announces, “I flow very heavily”). There is a weird To Tell The Truth fantasy sequence, another scene showing girls how to buy tampons and, well, it’s just very special. And, need I add, extremely dated:



Along with the “Linda” film, FSM as posted another classic on the topic of girls’ puberty, Dear Diary. I have this winner on VHS, but have never presented it on the show, although it really has needed to be shown to a wider audience. Thus I can definitely recommend you check out this educational pic, which is made to play like a jaunty afterschool special. The girls joke around, teach each other how to kiss a boy (and how it will make you feel “down there”), ask the magic question in the halls of their school (“didja get it yet?” meaning their first period), and there’s a really, REALLY amazing visit to a dressing room where a creepy woman with a British accent lectures two teen friends on the different kinds of breasts (it’s meant to be comedy, but man, is it sorta perched right there on the edge…). Anyway, drink it in, it’s nuts (and it’s from 1981, so again, it’s a nice little bit of dated craziness).



Since FSM has mostly put up materials that are suitable for family viewing, it’s interesting to note he’s put up an uncensored version of a film that I had posted a clip from many months ago. The film in question is a sensory-assault short directed by a gent named Anthony Stern called “San Francisco 1968” that shows footage from that time and that place, set to an alternate version of “Interstellar Overdrive” by the Pink Floyd (with Syd Barrett at the helm). Stern had been the assistant director on the film Tonite Let’s All Make Love in London and presumably had access to the audio tracks for the film for his short. The film is mesmerizing, but I had used only an excerpt from it on YT, as I wasn’t sure if the filmmaker was still alive and would be pissed that his film was included in its entirety on the dubious creation that is YT. Also, there is some very prominent and pleasant female nudity in the pic, and I figured YT would manufacture another one of their typically American jeez-I’m-scared-of-the-human-body “violations” against it.

FSM is undeterred, however (although I would advise all YT posters not to note in their comments field that they’ve got elements in the clip that YT ordinarily rejects). For this, I salute him and I urge you to watch the freakin’ thing in full screen and just let the colors swim around your eyeballs. Your mind will disengage somewhere in the first few minutes, and then it’s just all image. One wonders what Mr. Stern got up to after he did this short….

[And again, as I posted below, be aware of the strong powers of keepvid.com, should you want to preserve any of the fine offerings you see on Youtube.]

Part one:


Part two:

Ivan the Terrible, commercial pitchman

On the subject of despotism I introduced below, I offer up some UK gentleman’s uploads of a series of TV ads intended to sing the praises of a brand of cigarettes called “Century.” The idea was simple: have historical figures tell you how great the smokes were. However, they went from a rather positive figure like Eli Whitney onward to famous rulers of other eras, each one of them puffing away.

More to the point is Catherine the Great:



Or perhaps maybe Genghis Khan (wild accent for this characterization):



But my personal fave has to be a very affable Ivan the Terrible. See, he wasn’t all bad!