VHS Clearance: a "real" Video Dog, scary home vids, and a porn-star works out

VHS has been the building block of the Funhouse for the show's 15 years, and I have too many of those black plastic wonders in my possession (and in storage lockers, and in my psyche, they're everywhere!). I've featured quite a lot of high art on the program, but every so often I'd review the most ridiculous VHS titles I'd come across. I herewith submit three items shown on the show back in late '96.

First, a companion-piece to the "Video Aquarium" tapes that became popular in the Eighties. "Video Dog" was a concept that was supposed to boost the spirits of those souls who wanted to own a pet but were prohibited from doing so by their landlord — or who just didn't want to clean up the mess. It's an absolutely ridiculous concept, but it reaches its interactive peak at this point where you are supposed to give the dog a series of commands. It's ready and waiting to comply. This tape appears to bounce due to vague tracking problems — perhaps my VCR was telling me something....



Then we have an item that is intentionally ridiculous. I love Joe Flaherty of SCTV and always dug his Count Floyd character, but here's an oddity, one of two instructional videos he made as the character (the other one was, I kid you not, a fire safety video, that I saw on locally on a PBS station late night). Here he shows us "How to Make Funny Home Videos" as the late-night horror host without a clue.



And finally something that will get your blood circulating, in a manner of speaking. It's ex-underage porn star Traci Lords' workout tape, but it's not the version that made the rounds as the "Advanced" tape. That one, which is excerpted on YouTube already, just has Traci saying "transition...!" over and over again (oh my TVC 15). In this version she does raps on the soundtrack. I much prefer this iteration of her exercises for the crotch area. What a talented young woman she was.

(this tape bounces too, but do you really care?)